Blog 6 or Migraines Give Me a Headache

I have seriously considered becoming an alcoholic writer. The biggest obstacle to my ambition though is that I don't really like to drink. I drink beer and wine but not to excess and could never acquire a taste for the harder liquors; I also can't afford it. My vanity does not allow me to buy cheap booze so I can't afford to become a lush. This is mostly tongue-in-cheek but I do wonder how one becomes an alcoholic. Does the alcohol or the problems come first? The book speaks of Hemingway being a depressive and an alcoholic. Which came first? I know there are stories of people who just start out with a drink here and a drink there and then become alcoholic over time, are they the norm or the exception? I find myself depressed on occasion. But doesn't everyone? It generally does not affect my life, I leave the house and work and come to school, etc. but I do find myself sometimes just shutting down. My battery just powers down and then I do nothing. I have in the past attempted to push through that wall with very mixed results. Some good things have come out of that time also a lot of heartbreak and pain. Self-medicating tends to be anti-climatic. The only things that seem to work in that situation are sleep, reading for pleasure (that sometimes brings out a burst of creativity), music or cigars. By far the most therapeutic thing though is to lay down beside my dog and feel her heartbeat and breathing. If nothing else it brings me back to level.

The mind is a most miraculous thing. We know so little and it appears from the readings that altering the mind can produce some extraordinary results. Not only with drugs but through "natural" processes also. Pain, psychosis-of any kind, sensory deprivation, everything and anything that affects the brain can have an effect upon creativity, all across the spectrum in every task that requires thought, which I believe would be all of them.

As for the title. I have not had migraines but my mother has and they never caused anything but pain. She would experience an aura and know something was coming and 9 out of 10 times it would lead to sickness and confinement to bed. She does not think of herself as creative so the thought of writing about the aura or drawing it or painting would not cross her mind. All I remember is the times she spent in her room recovering. A while ago she took a bio-feedback course at HACC and that has helped immensely.