Interesting...

Once again, what a cool Chapter! I really enjoyed reading about the similarities and differences between Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana. Marilyn Monroe as "the consummate sex doll" (144). And Princess Diana as "a creature of pop modernity abd solemn tradition, uniquely stylish abd yet Ms. Everywoman, and in the last year or two, a woman both utterly broken and surpemely powerful... Death was the logical, operatic end to Diana's story"(145).

I think that society really felt for the hardships in which these women experienced because they were understandable. Many people could relate to their troubles. "It seems we like out female icons best when they are in distress" (145).

As we discussed in class, I totally agree with the idea that artists are driven to depression or other mental illness because they are openeded to a different state of consciousness or have an imagination so strong that it overwhelms them. For Marilyn Monroe, she died from an overdose of sleeping pills and it is suggested that she had been seriously depressed. The pressure of performing and constantly needing to do better or produce more, can overwhelm anyone, especially someone who is trying to grip or control a strong imagination.

I think being in the spotlight constantly and the scrutinization of everything you do takes away pieces of your personality. We discussed in class how we tend to act differently in different situation, maybe more controlled at work and calm and relaxed at home. I cannot imagine not being able to relax, anywhere. I think this pressure really forces a lot of famous people into depression.

Also interesting, was the section on the identification process. The male needs to form a relationship with his mother, then separate in order to find his own identity. The female on the other hand, needs to form a relationship with her mother, but does not need to separate herself because they are of the same sex. It is interesting to see how this identification process plays a role in developing the "sexual appetite" so to speak.

post 6 sex and creativity

Reading about sex and creativity was rather interesting, especially with the array of topics covered - sadomasichism, aggression, sex goddesses, and more! I thought it really touched on quite a few areas and it was a bit difficult to get into just one thing, but I took special interest in the section about sex goddesses, including Marilyn Monroe, and the comparison to Princess Diana. I was always fascinated by their stories and the similarities between them, which I think was brought into the media's attention through Elton John's song, Candle in the Wind. They seem to have been in the same boat in certain ways, such as their "deeply suffering ways" as Hughes points out, and I totally agreed with the statement that we "like our female icons best when they are in distress". I think this connects to the beginning of the chapter because Hughes was discussing women's roles in art and sex, and these women were such objects of obsession that their lives spiraled out of their personal control because of it. I associated this with the fact that women have always in a way been held back in an artist's world, expected to paint, sculpt, or sing certain things, and this may be because of our gender differences that are engrained from birth. The way we socialize children is nearly impossible to get away from - from the moment the child is born if they are a girl, the blanket is pink, blue for boys, of course. We give girls dolls, don't want boys to play with them, and give boys trucks, and expect them to get dirty, be aggressive, etc. I wonder if this limits our creativity, or at least limits what our children are able to do or express. I can't see a way to get away from it, considering it starts with birth and goes to death, and if you deviate you're seen in a different light. For those not concerned with what people think, creativity may flow much easier than for those who are pushed into gender roles and the like. This also connects to the section on homosexuality and androgyny. It would be nice to assume that people could create art and music and express themselves however they choose, no matter the gender or sexual orientation or whatever. Since this is usually not the case, I think Hughes really expressed his points clearly and showed many pieces of the puzzle doing so.

Blog 6

I found this chapter very interesting especially the parts about manic depression and alcoholism. Both of these illnesses are in my family so I can kind of relate to these topics. I actually never related creativity to either of these illnesses but from what I read in this chapter, it definitely makes sense to me. If someone that has manic depression doesn't take their medicine they would definitely experience a form of altered state of consciousness which would lend to a heightened sense of creativity. I can also see the same effect with alcoholics. It's almost like the person has no inhibitions and would probably not be afraid to try things out. I know for myself when I drink I am more of an outgoing person, where as normally I would be afraid to socialize with someone I don't know. If I am drinking I forget about my worries and just have fun. In this sense I would probably do something I might not normally do, which could make me find out more about myself and where some of my creativity may lie. Of course all these activities would obviously have to be legal! I really learned a lot in this chapter.

Creativity and Disease

There were several aspects of this chapter that I found to be revealing or in the least thought provoking. The first of which was the association made between writers and alcoholism. I have always felt that making the connection between artists and drug abuse/use can lead inadvertently to a cycle of misguided adoration. People begin to associate artists and their works almost exclusively with drugs, alcohol, and depression while at the same time forgoing any actual analysis or appreciation of the works themselves. I have also met a lot of people that, either consciously or sub-consciously, begin to mimic those 'darkly romantic' aspects of artist lives.

Another aspect of this section which I found interesting was Hughes focus on disease and mental illness as a purely psycho-medical phenomena. By focusing almost exclusively on depression as a psychological illness I felt he neglected those artist that come to their depressive states by other means. The varied experiences of human life are more than enough to bring about horrible depressive states without needing to be caused by some faulty genetic neurosis.

Creativity and it's Subjectiveness

I’m finding myself in an odd place after reading this chapter… I honestly came into this chapter with the belief that illness was very much an integral part of the creative process. In some morbid sense of anticipation I was awaiting the day that I would fall into the illness that would propel my creative career into a new realm. However, I now find myself arguing that philosophy, in the first place, as well as my own definition of creativity and how it can be classified. This bog is not about arguing for or against a certain idea within the chapter, but rather, I am arguing the chapter itself.

I now feel that creativity extremely subjective, such that one is unable to label creativity in another person. Creativity can only be identified from within that person, creative ideas, however, can be subjectively identified by all others. Allow me to explain: The schizophrenic paints a picture of what they are living/experiencing/perceiving, not a creative idea that they got from a schizophrenic episode. That picture can then be viewed as being quite creative, but it is not a representation of creativity. My grandmother, for example, suffers from dementia and she has a plethora of creative stories about her past and present. I particularly like the one where my dad is a money hungry maniac that has put her into the nursing home so that he can steal the family fortune and take control of the business (of which neither exists to take). Now, again, these are fantastically creative, but to my grandmother they are the truth and she is living these situations.

I think for creativity to be called such, the person claiming the creativity must be able to make a distinction between the “normal” operation of the brain and the departure from that into the creative process. When I take a drug to enhance my creativity, I knowingly make a departure from my normal brain function into a part of my brain that has become unlocked for the use of retaining that information and using it in the future, or present if I am physically able. That is creativity. The works produced by troubled, or ill, individuals is creative, but cannot, in my eyes, be called creativity until it is drawn upon as a external source of inspiration and not the memoirs of everyday experience.

This Made Sense to Me...

If I were to sit down right now, in the happy-go-lucky mood that I am in, and try to write a poem, it would come out something along the lines of "roses are red, violets are blue..." I'm not saying that I can't write; I could write a short story with no problem, but poetic language seems to come to me only when I am extremely sad. I avoided using the word depressed because I don't think I am a depressed person. I am usually in a fabulous mood, sometimes stressed, but not depressed. Unfortunately, when I am sad (for whatever reason), I am really sad, and it is in those times when I can write (good) poetry. The language erupts from me. It eludes to the idea that depression is or opens us up to an altered state of consciousness; it allows ideas that are not readily accepted or grasped to be embraced. Or is it the pure emotion that allows for the language? I used to think it was the latter.
I already shared with everyone my *previous experiences*. During those experiences, I found myself thinking in poetic terms. I was well aware of the fact. I was actually completely astounded by my own thoughts. I would have never imagined myself piecing together the phrases that were running through my mind. The horrible thing was: they were there, and then they were gone. The thoughts absolutely raced through my mind. Some, I think, were adaptations of things I had heard before, but some were original. I wish that I would have written them down because I can not remember the specific thoughts, but I could not bring myself to sit and write them down. The idea of sitting at a desk or table was awkward. The only thought I can remember was something along the lines of "the most ingenius minds I have ever known were plagued by the most persistant demons." I'm not sure if I had heard that somewhere and was just focusing on it, or if I composed it. Regardless, it seems like a very interesting thing to have thought considering the ideas that we are discussing. Relating this back to my experiences with poetry, does this support the idea that depression is an altered state of consciousness, that it opens the mind to something different? Along the same lines, Huxley had said that he was terrified by the vastness of the ideas he encountered when high on mescalin. So do certain experiences open the mind to something else and depression comes simply from a fear of a greater understanding? Are creative people often found with depression because they have recognized something that is overwhelming? Are we thinking of this backwards? Is it the depression that causes the creativity or the creativity that causes the depression?

Creative alcoholics

I thought this chapter was amazingly interesting, particularly the part about alcoholism. Alcohol is a drug, is addictive, and alcoholism is a disease. Completely surprising was the information about some of the great writers of the 20th century being alcoholics. Hemingway's alcoholism, along with many other great writers, likely lead to breaking down of inhibitions as the book says. I should admit, when consuming alcohol myself (in small amounts) I feel much less inhibited, ideas come to me more easily and I can write with greater ease. Somehow my vocabulary expands, and my creative side comes through. Keep in mind, this occurs only between 2-3 drinks. After that, forget it. Concerning creativity, I wonder if there is any connection between sensory loss, schizophrenia and alcoholism? I believe there must be some type of chemical breakdown, or change, that all the episodes in chapter 9 discuss like epilepsy and alcoholism, leading to a creative element that the 'normal' (as Hughes puts it) brain cannot process. Thoughts?

AVM

The first day of school in 8th grade began like the boring old first day of school... new teachers and same old classmates. Half of us were exciting to be heading to the high school the next year, and the other half were going to struggle just getting through the upcoming year. In my history class, the teacher wanted us to pair up with someone that we didn't really know that well to do an interview to share with the class. My friend Bekah and I looked at each other from across the room and scowled. Everyone had found someone to pair up with except me and one other girl in the class. We were left over so the teacher put us together. We introduced ourselves but knew that we had some serious early judgement about each other. She said a few years later I looked like a bookworm, someone snobby who thought everyone was dumber than me. I thought she was a druggie right away and probably from a dysfunctional family/home life. Somehow we made it through the interview with each other nicely and shared them with the class. She was a new student that year so I knew she didn't have many friends... and I volunteered first.

We hung out each day, because most of our classes were together. She was kind of an outcast. Which was pretty much perfect because so was I. I had a group of close friends, but everyone else, at that point in school, seemed to want nothing to do with me. Being an artist, swimmer, bookworm, backstage-oriented person, that was fine with me.

Dawn wasn't in school one day then. I began to wonder about where she was, because she didn't really miss a lot of school. When I saw her later that day, she expained to me that she was sent to the emergency room the night before when she had a terrible migrane and seizure. She had something called AVM.

I know zero doctor-babble. So AVM to me was a bunch of letters. I believe, Dr. Kearney, that this is what you said that you have. It stands for Arteriovenous Malformation. She didn't have enough capillaries in her brain, and she would slowly be bleeding to death inside her skull. She said that people with AVM were born with it, and it's only something that you find out once you've started having symptoms.

She told me that people born with AVM don't live past the age of 22 or 23.

She was an extraordinary person in my life through the rest of school. We both were crazy about music, and she always had something to say about it. We could talk about music for hours. Yeah, she was in the band, but she knew much more than that. She was a prodigy with any instrument that you handed her. And she didn't think it was that big of a deal.

We made it through a lot of bumps in the road, fist-fights in school, yelling match when she got hot chocolate thrown on her, out-of-school suspension, all the questions about life and growing up and our diseases, her father being in jail, and her AVM... all the while giving her seizures and making her cry. Of course when she cried it looked freakish because they always had blood in them.

I haven't seen her in years now, haven't talked to her since last year. I'm hoping that she's still around. She had quite a gift for the world. It makes me wonder now if her talent was brought on by her disease. Her creativity only stemmed from the blood seaping through her brain. I'd like to think that she got something positive out of her condition. And I just hope she's still out there somewhere, trying to make her own place in the world.

Color in Dreams What do they mean? Or do they mean anything at all?

In the Heaven and Hell, Huxley talks about colors in dreams and how the colors doesn't describe the dreamer's personality. He said " Color in dreams and visions tells us no more about the personality of the beholder that does color in the external world". I think that if we dream in black and white , maybe the dream can be considered a natural dream, don't need any colors because in reality we perceive the colors of the objects or locations in our other side of the world, but the colors could be helpful so they can look real when we know they're not. I found a website, http://www.angelfire.com/realm2/amethystbt/colormeaningindreams.html that explains why colors in dreams are important and why shouldn't we pay any attention to them. For an example,red especially lighter shades of red can mean a sign of passion, energy, and life. The colors could also mean matters of the heart, blood, something that is important and should be understood, and danger. The color orange is considered to be a color of warmth, thoughtfulness, wisdom and sociability. In reality, when we feel depressed , stressed or happy in our lives , the colors in our dreams help left up our spirits or show us something dreadful that warns us about reality.

A State of Creative Depression

I found the chapter on creativity and disease very interesting, particularly the section on depression. I read before that many artists suffering from depression said their creativity is fueled and fostered by emotion and angst, by isolation and solitude. The emotions and angst that may be present in the artist’s mind can help shape the work. These emotions can be conveyed creatively, allowing for the term "self-expression" to come up. When suffering from depression, many artists feel they have the opportunity to lose themselves in the work being created, thus allowing their mind to feel some relief from the strains of depression. When this happens, the artist is able to accomplish what many others struggle with focusing almost exclusively on the work without distraction.

I have felt that way before. While, for me, creativity can be enhanced by my state of depression, sometimes the depression reaches such a level where other artists can lose motivation and become apathetic. However, for myself and other artists suffering from depression, there is a driving force bordering on obsessive compulsion that makes us do all we can to complete the work. For us, being creative may be the only thing that keeps us going. Certainly depression is not essential to bring forth creativity, however, the combination of the two is quite prevalent.

Those Christians are on to something

We have touched upon the topic of religion and their rituals being able to introduce altered states, but Huxley really expands on this point within “Heaven and Hell.”
After inserting an account from Weir Mitchell, Huxley says, “Reading these accounts, we are immediately struck by the close similarity between induced or spontaneous visionary experience and the heavens and fairylands of folklore and religion.” As vague as that quote is at the point it will make more sense in another couple of paragraphs.
Huxley goes on to say, “Uttarakuru, we see, resembles the landscapes of the mescalin experience in being rich with precious stones. And this characteristic is common to virtually all the Other Worlds of religious tradition.”
In many ways Huxley is trying to say that depictions of after life realms follow a similar archetype. Within his proposed archetype gold and precious stones seem to always appear. After introducing his hypothesis that precious stones are indeed precious because they are so closely related to those seen in the after-life, he finally stumbles on stained-glass windows and their impact on worship.
I immediately though about a Christian Orthodox service I photographed last semester for a religion class.
During my project I was focusing on the ritual and how it enhances worship. The priest seen in the photograph is Dr. Anthony Ugolnick. He told me the aim of his service is to appeal to all five senses. During the service the congregation is receiving the morning light through stain-glass and surrounded by ornamentation—Sight. Singing is included throughout the service to enhance the meaning of the works—Sound. Incense is burned and spread throughout the church periodically throughout the service—Smell. Followers touch and kiss relics at points in the service—Touch. And of course the blood and body of Christ is symbolically consumed during the Eucharist—Taste.
Going back to Huxley, he even proposed that even looking at beautiful colors, stones and other objects people could enter an altered state. I don’t think it is a coincidence that the same objects Huxley referred to are used in a ceremony intended put people in an altered states.
(I tried to insert pictures, but I ran into error messages. I guess we can look at them in class.

Creativity in Illness

Psychology and the subject of illness, more specifically mental illness, has always been a slight interest of mine. I've always been curious to how the mind works, why people think the things they think, how opinions are developed, how do illnesses such as schizophrenia come about, etc. I think that is why I found this chapter to be so interesting. Many of the most notable and famous artists, musicians, and writers dealt with illnesses throughout their careers. Artists like Henri Matisse and Frida Kahlo have experienced illness and have used their creativity to cope with the pain.

As stated in the textbook, illness and creativity take on similar symptoms: fever, delirium, and depression. These are some of the side effects, so to speak, of illness, while they are also aspects that can help develop creativity. In general, I think that illness and creativity tend to go hand-in-hand. I mean, as I mentioned before, some of the best and most notable artists, musicians, and writers have dealt with illness. Legends such as Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder both dealt with blindness. Writers such as Aldous Huxley, John Milton, and James Joyce were also all blind.

I think it is in our human nature to turn to creativity when dealing with some type of illness. Whether it be writing, painting, sculpting, music, etc. whatever it takes to express our emotions, I think it helps us in coping with the pain and agony of whatever illness it is we are dealing with. The situations we are dealing with in our lives strongly influence the moods we are in, how we interact with others, how we express our feelings, the choices we make, etc.

A quote by Graham Greene on page 131 of the chapter kind of reinforces these thoughts: "Sometimes I wonder... how all those who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape the madness, the melancholia, the panic fear, which is inherent in the human situation." Greene is basically asking how do people deal with the pain, day to day suffering, problems, etc. that we all deal with throughout our lives? If people do not somehow express their emotions through some creative outlet, how do they deal with the stress of life?

The Creativity of Cancer

I actually remember watching a TV special on the Discovery Channell about how people with cancer can end becoming wealthy artists. Their creativity is sparked by the pressure that the tumors can cause on the nerves and the brain. This pressure leads to a destruction of the well ingrained tendencies that the person has gained over the years. Thereby sparking their creative side. I had an uncle that had cancer but he was treated. He couldn't paint a day in his life but while undergoing treatments and right before his diagnosis he decided he wanted to start to paint and draw. I thought that it would have been good therapy as did the doctors but they also said the tumors are causing pressure on creative things and maybe that helps to aleviate the pressure too. The thing with him was while he was painting or drawing he would have loud music and he was almost dead to the world. It was like a self induced trance like state that allowed him to paint and become artistic.

Posted for Erik - Blog 6

It seems to be depressing to have depression so closely associated to the creative mind and process. We know very little of how the brain works. We know very little about how the brain works when in a depressive state and we know very little about why some people become depressed and not others. Is depression an altered state all on its own that sends and already heightened mind into overdrive? Maybe depression is a mechanism that allows the mind to tap all of those regions of the brain scientists say we don’t use. Why don’t we use all of our brains anyway? There are very few, if any, instances in nature that present a useless portion of evolution. Our tail bones for instance baffle scientists, but are explained away as the shriveled section of what was once a tail. Useless to us now, as far as we know, but once served what I’m sure was a valuable purpose at some point. So what about our brain? Why is it that they say we don’t use three quarters of it - someone wake up Darwin! I know this isn’t exactly on the topic of the chapter, but depression and, “diseases of the mind” as they put it, have interested me for a long time. Our brains are the most complex “things” we humans know of and it is anyone’s guess as to how certain things affect our brains including the environment we are in, the foods we eat, our genes, or the way we are formed in the womb.

Maybe depression is too broad of a term, one that is just thrown around too easily these days. I read an article recently that said depression in young children is higher now than ever before. Well, that could be true, but when we are talking about altered states and how childhood is basically one long altered state that fizzles out by the onset of puberty, then perhaps these kids are being unfairly slotted into the depression bucket. Although, as the mind experiences more of the world and is exposed to a wider range of emotions, perhaps the thin line that separates or defines the altered state from the reality, becomes more ambiguous or even begins to overlap one another to the point in which a mind can operate in both worlds at the same time or switch back and forth in an instant. Maybe depression is just a label we attached to describe one facet of how the mind appears to go into deep thought, introspection and heightened awareness. Everyone is different and maybe some people just handle their ability to slip in and out of the altered state more efficiently and or less self destructively than others. Something has to explain why we have creative genius without suicidal madness. Acid corrodes the vessel in which it is kept. So maybe the altered state acts as an acid that corrodes the mind that tries to keep it. Maybe we d not use three quarters of our brain for a reason. Maybe nature turned us “off” as a way to protect the human race from itself? Maybe somehow our brains evolved faster than our minds could handle and we are turned off to a great many things? Maybe depression is just what happens when we push deeper into ourselves and deeper into a primeval part of our psyche?

Mans Best Friend

The concept of creativity and disease is a topic that is not unknown to me. You always hear about artists with mental illnesses, health issues (let's face it syphilis was a problem), and dealing with the issue of deafness and blindness. However, I don't think I ever realized the extent of the range of the issue. For example, I know that alcohol was/is an issue for artists of all kinds, however I don't really get it. All of the people I have been around when they were drunk are kind of incoherent , they don't seem creative or artistic at all- and most of them don't remember it in the morning. That makes it hard for me to understand how alcohol plays into creativity.

Two weeks ago I brought up the Alice in Wonderland syndrome, although it played into chapter 8, it fits better in the discussion of this chapter because this is the chapter that discusses migraines. Again, the symptoms happen in the period of time before the actual migraine. The period before being the aura. Something that I found out that I thought is interesting is that dogs can sense auras. I used to be a peer mentor at another Penn State campus, and one of the student's in my class had epilepsy so we had to attend a training meeting about how to handle a seizures. I actually have already dealt with epilepsy before as the little girl I used to babysit was epileptic, but the meeting brought up things I didn't know before. Apparently some epilepsy suffers can sense the seizures coming because they sense their aura. The girl in my class could sense the aura and described it as colors changing all around her. However, some people (like the little girl I used to babysit) couldn't sense their auras and in those cases they can get a dog that senses it for them. I thought that was really interesting that dogs can be so tuned into the to changes in humans that they alert their owner to the pending seizures. That was a little side note, but the issue of creativity was definitely there with her (girl from class). She was a painter and a musician, I'm not sure if she ever got inspiration from whatever she experienced while going through the seizures, but she was definitely creative.

Blindness

It is hard to imagine what anyone who is blind goes through. Some are born blind while many such as Helen Keller and Ray Charles become blind through sickness or an accident. Though they can not see, they learn things through other enhanced senses such as sound and vibration. We all have probably heard or read the story of Helen Keller who from a childhood illness at an early age became both deaf and blind. She was basically in a world of her own because she did not understand things and would throw tantrums. It took Anne Sullivan, who was blind herself, to get through to Helen and teach and discipline her. She was able to find a way for Helen to learn things like how to speak through sign language and the sense of touch and vibration. From there Helen Keller grew up, went to college, and eventually became a famous author.
Ray Charles had become blind when he was a young boy, and had to learn how to adjust to his new life. He did suffer and struggle plenty through life. He eventually became talented at playing the piano. I thought the movie about his life and what he went through was very interesting. Either way it seems interesting how some people such as him who are vissually impaired can write and play some great music. I even liked it when someone painted a tribute to him on the side of a brick building in Harrisburg.

Hearing Loss

Our book discusses the sounds of silence, which is deafness. The book states that deafness may lead to feelings of paranoia and a sense that people are talking about them. (121) I can’t completely relate to someone being totally death in both ears, but I can describe the feeling of being 50% death in one ear. About six months ago, I was having many problems with my left ear along with decreased hearing loss to the point that I couldn’t even talk on the phone using my left ear (very scary). After seeing a specialist, I was diagnosed with having cholesteatoma’s. In simple terms, cholesteatoma is basically just a cyst growing inside my ear drum. Thankfully, the problem could be corrected with surgery, but I lost 50% of hearing in my ear. This has caused me to adjust my life due to the decreased hearing loss. I can completely relate to the word “paranoia”. Almost everyday I experience paranoia because if someone is talking to me on my left side and I have to ask them several time to repeat what they say. This makes me wonder if they think I’m a complete moron! I have learned to adjust with my decreased hearing loss by making sure I speak with people on my right side or by sitting closer to the teacher when in school.

Dostoevsky and Madness

Reading chapter 9, I recalled a quote from Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl where Will Turner says, “This is either madness or brilliance,” and Jack Sparrow responds, “It’s remarkable how often those two traits coincide.” It seems true that many of the great artists of the world have had some sort of madness or disease, or at least have been interested in the altered states brought on by them. Dostoevsky, as the book points out, had quite a rough life. He suffered from a form of epilepsy, was sent to prison and work camp for more than ten years for a crime he didn’t commit, (he was actually led in front of a firing squad, but they chose not to execute him) took up drinking along the way, had a couple failed marriages, found and revered religion, and became one of the juggernauts of world literature. He has long been one of my favorite writers and The Idiot was an excellent book to discuss.

Prince Myshkin was diagnosed young with epilepsy, seemingly mad, and had to live the beginning of his life in Switzerland, where he studied and played with children. The life he led in Switzerland helped seemingly cure him of his “madness.” He is very much like a child and in many ways his disease had prevented him from being polluted from the evil in the world; he appears to be a perfect person. However, when he returns to Russia, he is afflicted by the imperfect world and gradually retreats back into his disease. In a way, by reverting back into madness, he manages to escape the imperfect and horrible world around him.

It seems fair to say that madness, alcoholism, or any other form of disease does help give strength to creativity; by creating an altered world view to write about, giving material for art that by only living a hard life could or by forcing the afflicted to focus on one subject to stay focused. Even if an artist does not suffer from a disease, writing often brings on a bliss and agony that could only be described as madness.

My Migraine - An Altered State

Our textbook tells us that a migraine headache is a severe headache, which frequently occurs over one side of the head only. This was partly true for me, because the migraine I had only occurred once in my lifetime and it was something that I never want to experience again. As a result of this migraine headache my life has been altered forever.

One beautiful morning, October 1, 1989 to be exact, I went to work felling absolutely wonderful. About an hour later, I experienced a terrible headache, so powerful that I was totally helpless. Someone gave me smelling salts to keep from fainting. The migraine was unbearable. I never had the sensory hallucinations our book is referring to, but I do remember feeling the dislocations of perception of time and space. It was such an odd and helpless feeling.

That evening, I felt so weak that I went straight to bed. I became deathly ill and lost the entire use of the left side of my body. My arm and leg went totally limp. It was like I had no bones there at all. When Lewis Carroll wrote, “What a curious felling…Goodbye, feet!” my only comment is “ditto!” It was such a very odd and frightening feeling.

Sex and Creativity

I found Hughes connection between sex and creativity in chapter 10 to be extremely interesting. I look at artists such as Frida Kahlo or Artemisia Gentileschi and wonder if Frida had not had such a turbulent and torturous relationship with Diego Rivera or if Artemisia had not been raped by her father's apprentice, would they have been able to tap so deeply into their creativity? I find it rather disturbing that so many artists have use and continue to use "aggressive possession" and/or sadomasochism as such a powerful influence in their art, but I am still compelled to look and admire it. For instance the painting "Judith Slaying Holofernes" is rather disturbing, not just because they are chopping of the Holofernes head, but more because of the pure determination and will of the slayers.

I thought the book's insights on muses, icons and sex goddesses to be sad but necessary forms of inspiration in the creative process for many. It is unfortunate that we hold beautiful people in such high esteem, yet even higher when their lives take a pitiful and grim turn for the worse. We see it time and time again. The book uses Marilyn Monroe and Diana, Princess of Wales as examples, but in more recent times we have newer and more screwed up models in the form of dare I say, modern day icons, such as Lindsey Lohan and Brittney Spears. I just hope that their tragic tales do not become a source of inspiration for modern day artists and they slowly dissipate into obscurity, because there would be nothing more frightening than to open a textbook 12 or 20 years from now and have them mentioned as muses or icons.

Perception

The Huxley book was a very interesting read. The way he described the different colors, how he felt, and the difference of the spatial relationships between certain objects was very interesting. I liked the way he described the objects, colors, and his emotions in a way, after being on mescalin, most people would not. He recognized the beauty of the colors of certain objects, the relationships between different everyday objects; the chairs, the books, etc. I liked how he described the his books in his study on page 19: "The books, for example, with which my study walls were lined. Like the flowers, they glowed, when I looked at them, with brighter colors, a profounder significance. Red books, like rubies; emerald books; books bound in white jade; books of agate; of aquamarine, of yellow topaz; lapis lazuli books whose color was so intense, so intrinsically meaningful, that they seemed to be on the point of leaving them shelves to thrust themselves more insistently on my attention."

A few days later after thinking about the class discussion and remembering Dr. Kearney's story about her injury, and explaining her experience with feeling other people's energy, it helped me remember a book that I've read that is very similar to her experience. It's about a man who travels from the U.S. to Peru in search of historical scrolls that contain 10 important Insights. It is a slightly spiritual, slightly philosophical, however, extremely interesting book to read. Anyway, in this book, he meets several individuals. These individuals explain to him about the concept of feeling people's energy and how they interact with each other. These people that are educated about these scrolls know how to exchange positive energy and can feel when there is negative energy around. They can also feel if someone is trying to give or take this energy. This is probably one of my favorite books I've read. The title is The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield. I highly recommend it.

Blog 6 or Migraines Give Me a Headache

I have seriously considered becoming an alcoholic writer. The biggest obstacle to my ambition though is that I don't really like to drink. I drink beer and wine but not to excess and could never acquire a taste for the harder liquors; I also can't afford it. My vanity does not allow me to buy cheap booze so I can't afford to become a lush. This is mostly tongue-in-cheek but I do wonder how one becomes an alcoholic. Does the alcohol or the problems come first? The book speaks of Hemingway being a depressive and an alcoholic. Which came first? I know there are stories of people who just start out with a drink here and a drink there and then become alcoholic over time, are they the norm or the exception? I find myself depressed on occasion. But doesn't everyone? It generally does not affect my life, I leave the house and work and come to school, etc. but I do find myself sometimes just shutting down. My battery just powers down and then I do nothing. I have in the past attempted to push through that wall with very mixed results. Some good things have come out of that time also a lot of heartbreak and pain. Self-medicating tends to be anti-climatic. The only things that seem to work in that situation are sleep, reading for pleasure (that sometimes brings out a burst of creativity), music or cigars. By far the most therapeutic thing though is to lay down beside my dog and feel her heartbeat and breathing. If nothing else it brings me back to level.

The mind is a most miraculous thing. We know so little and it appears from the readings that altering the mind can produce some extraordinary results. Not only with drugs but through "natural" processes also. Pain, psychosis-of any kind, sensory deprivation, everything and anything that affects the brain can have an effect upon creativity, all across the spectrum in every task that requires thought, which I believe would be all of them.

As for the title. I have not had migraines but my mother has and they never caused anything but pain. She would experience an aura and know something was coming and 9 out of 10 times it would lead to sickness and confinement to bed. She does not think of herself as creative so the thought of writing about the aura or drawing it or painting would not cross her mind. All I remember is the times she spent in her room recovering. A while ago she took a bio-feedback course at HACC and that has helped immensely.